


separate the two of us

by merlinemrys (divineauthor)



Series: filipinopercy’s 600 follower celebration [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drabble, Introspection, M/M, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Pining, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Season/Series 04, Tumblr Prompt, instead of gwen becoming queen they just break it off
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divineauthor/pseuds/merlinemrys
Summary: Arthur believed his birth was a curse—the fact of this was cemented by the knowledge that his mother had died the moment he took his first breath. He had spent much of his early years hating his birthday, hating how his father was always looking at him with a tainted sense of happiness, hating how everyone was celebrating his birth while the memory of their queen had crumbled like the ash that was always left after a pyre execution.—•—It’s getting closer to Arthur’s birthday and he's brooding.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: filipinopercy’s 600 follower celebration [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711804
Comments: 12
Kudos: 179





	separate the two of us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biclarisselarue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biclarisselarue/gifts).



> dedicated to grace !!! thank you for sending in a prompt for my [600 follower celebration](https://biannabethchase.tumblr.com/post/615882901030141952/biannabethchase-hiiiii-i-just-reached-600) !!!
> 
> prompt: “Can you shut up for once in your life?”
> 
> title from: one direction’s “you & i”

Arthur believed his birth was a curse—the fact of this was cemented by the knowledge that his mother had died the moment he took his first breath. He had spent much of his early years hating his birthday, hating how his father was always looking at him with a tainted sense of happiness, hating how everyone was celebrating his birth while the memory of their queen had crumbled like the ash that was always left after a pyre execution. 

Then his father was stabbed on his birthday while Arthur laid there, drugged out of his wits, cradling his dying father. It seemed that all his birth had caused was a reign of blood. 

Perhaps, all that a Pendragon name meant was to die a painful, bloody death. 

And now, with Morgana as his only kin, he didn’t want to think about the implications his birthday would bring to the last Pendragons. Maybe if he didn’t celebrate it this year, he would somehow escape this wretched curse. Arthur almost scoffed. Even his own optimism was dreadful. All he hoped for this year was to not leave Camelot kingless, destitute. 

Sometimes Arthur wondered if he was going to die in the heat of a battle, a fallen soldier. An honourable death for his kingdom. Or if he was to die young, not even close to reaching the years of his father’s reign. Or if he was to die betrayed by one of his closest friends. Or if he was to die by his own kin. He wondered. 

But knowing one’s end is a terrible way to live. Arthur wasn’t sure if he could stomach that knowledge, could hold the weight of that burden on his shoulders. 

“You look pensive,” Merlin suddenly spoke, startling Arthur. 

He flinched, just slightly, but enough for Merlin’s eyes to catch. Arthur could tell by the way the space between Merlin’s eyebrows were just slightly pinched. Damn. 

“Yes, well, it’s been known to occur given that I’m the king,” Arthur retorted, somewhat blandly. He twirled his mother’s ring absentmindedly and continued, “I have quite a few things to think over.”

Merlin rolled his eyes, but placed his dinner down, sitting next to him. “No birthday celebration this year?”

“No.”

“Sad. A feast might’ve livened up the castle a bit,” Merlin said. “Everyone’s been a bit glum ever since you broke things off with Gw…” He paused. “Yeah, it’s been sad.”

“It’s not a crime to say Guinevere’s name.” The memory of her betrayal hurt less as time passed. A distant, dull ache, more of an old wound that acted up when it was cold than the gaping wound it was months ago. “She’s still in Camelot.”

He had spoken to her a few days prior. Their conversation was awkward and stilted, but there was an honesty to her words that left him feeling raw and open. 

“I loved you, Arthur, with all my heart. But you share yours with another,” she said, clutching a piece of spare cloth in her hands. “As I did with mine.”

“Guinevere, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Arthur asked, taking a step towards her, one hand outstretched. She shook her head and let the spare cloth fall to the wayside as she took his hand in hers. She brought it up and kissed him gently on his knuckles.

It felt like a release and a goodbye all at once. 

“Oh, Arthur,” she sighed, smiling sadly. “You do though.”

It wasn’t until he had walked back to his chambers and saw Merlin, stupid, clumsy, idiotic, incredibly loyal Merlin, waiting for him with a hot bath, lips quirked up into a grin when he knew exactly what Guinevere had meant. Arthur remembered stumbling into his bath, feeling shy all of a sudden as he got undressed with Merlin in the room. He was relieved when Merlin finally left to sleep, so Arthur could ponder how he could let his feelings for Merlin slip under his attention. 

Knights fell in bed with one another, he knew that quite well. But Arthur’s body was not his own. His was for Camelot ever since his conception. He had to marry and give Camelot her queen, he had to sire an heir to continue his legacy. 

His rational mind knew Arthur couldn’t love Merlin. But hearts rarely listened to whatever the mind had to say. 

With Guinevere, at least she was a woman. His council, especially his father’s old members, would’ve protested heavily, but they knew he would eventually give them an heir to secure the future of the kingdom. 

“It’s a bit awkward though, isn’t it?” Merlin said, picking up one of Arthur’s bread rolls and biting into it. He was still chewing while he continued, “And you should celebrate your birthday, Arthur. You’re the king.”

Arthur watched as Merlin filled his goblet and drank from it. He almost snorted. Merlin really had no sense of propriety in this body. He almost wanted to hit himself for thinking of that so fondly. “My birthday doesn’t exactly bring up the best of memories for me.”

“I know,” Merlin said in his softest voice. Arthur felt himself ache with longing. “I just don’t want you to be alone with your thoughts.”

Arthur’s gut instinct was to say, _But I won’t be alone. You’ll be here with me._ But he refrained. Instead, he said, a little more harshly than he intended, “Can you shut up for once in your life, Merlin?” He instantly regretted it, but Merlin’s soft gaze already shuttered away. 

“Yes, sire,” Merlin said tonelessly. He stood back up, stiff and unyielding. “If there’s anything else I can help you with, or can I take my leave?”

 _Stay_ , his heart pleaded. His mouth said, “Go.”

Within seconds, Arthur was alone. He picked up the goblet Merlin filled and stared at it for a few moments. He tipped the goblet down his throat and drank, pretending that it was Merlin’s lips he tasted and not the cold metal and warm wine. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed !!!! find me on [tumblr](http://merlinemrys.tumblr.com/) :D & if u want u can also reblog the [post](https://biannabethchase.tumblr.com/post/615837807589670912/alyssa-love-im-so-happy-for-u-you-are) !


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